This is a question that many adopted parents including experts have mixed opinions on. Should we tell them and encourage them to search their birth parents? If so, when and how. How can we encourage them to search for their birth parents if we don’t even know how and where ourselves. If you happened to have adopted your child from China, where do you start the search?
Normally adopted children don’t have the urge to start questioning until they reach adolescence. A time that’s challenging even with your birth children. Parents are often tempted to escape perhaps by abandoning their teenagers who are having toddler-like tantrums, but you and your family will benefit more if you remain calm, stand up for the values you have taught, and continue communication efforts.
For some adolescents, searching can be useful, while for many, the urgent activities and decisions of daily life are so pressing that they feel uninterested in or unable to confront such a heavy emotional undertaking. Waiting till they have reached adulthood when their lives will be more settled may be better for the latter group.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services