Adoption Blog » child development

Adopted children searching for Birth Parents

Raz — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 22:52:43 +0000

This is a question that many adopted parents including experts have mixed opinions on. Should we tell them and encourage them to search their birth parents? If so, when and how. How can we encourage them to search for their birth parents if we don’t even know how and where ourselves. If you happened to have adopted your child from China, where do you start the search?

Normally adopted children don’t have the urge to start questioning until they reach adolescence. A time that’s challenging even with your birth children. Parents are often tempted to escape perhaps by abandoning their teenagers who are having toddler-like tantrums, but you and your family will benefit more if you remain calm, stand up for the values you have taught, and continue communication efforts.

For some adolescents, searching can be useful, while for many, the urgent activities and decisions of daily life are so pressing that they feel uninterested in or unable to confront such a heavy emotional undertaking. Waiting till they have reached adulthood when their lives will be more settled may be better for the latter group.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Don’t be afraid to ask for help with your adopted child

Raz — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 03:59:32 +0000

Many adopting parents feel strongly that it’s their duty to take good care of their adopted children. And they are afraid to ask for help when they need some. Parents, will sometimes all feel overwhelmed when it comes to child rearing. Especially if this is their first time being parents. Every parent needs help once in awhile. Adopted children just make things a little more complicated especially if the children were adopted older.

If you feel overwhelmed and see behavior problems, seek help. You can get help from organizations, support groups, other adopted parents, and grandparents. Talk to other parents and teachers.

When do you need help with parenting

Raz — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 02:26:10 +0000

In recent years, there are more organizations and sources offering adopted parents in parenting. Usually it’s the parent who first notices something is not right. Or sometimes a family member might point out something is wrong with the adopted child. Don’t feel that you’re a bad parent if you feel overwhelmed in parenting. Being a parent is exciting and challenging enough.

Educate yourself as much as possible on child development stages. Sometimes children’s certain behaviors are part of the developing stage, sometime not. You may see behavior that is unusual or not characteristic of your child; sometimes it is the increasing degree of a certain behavior that is troubling. Asking for help is healthy, for you and the child.

Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway

Child development between ages 2 to 6

Raz — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:56:51 +0000

Now your child is well adapted to his or her new home and family. You have noticed many changes in your adopted child in the first two years. But you are going to see more changes during the pre-school years. Your child has learned to speak and will ask many questions. He will listen to more adult conversations more than you think. He or she will constantly ask questions. You, as the parent, should be prepared to answer them. Indifferent or uninterested in your child’s questions will result in negative emotions in your child later on.

If your child happens to ask you a question that you don’t know the answer, look it up with your child. Children between 2 and 5 years of age have fears, especially about being abandoned, getting lost, or no longer being loved by their parents. They also engage in “magical” thinking and do not distinguish reliably between reality and fantasy. They may be afraid of giants, monsters, witches, or wild animals.

Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway

Create tension-free environment makes a child feel secure

Raz — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 02:43:01 +0000

During a baby’s first year, the primary task is to develop a sense of trust in the world. As parents or a caretaker, your job is to provide an environment that is predictable and reliable. Infants accomplish this through attachment to their caretakers. That’s why adopting infants is much easier for establishing bonding between the baby and the parents. During their early months, children have an inborn capacity to “bond” to ensure their survival.

If you’re lucky enough to have adopted infants, this is the best time to interact with your baby through feeding, smiling, and cooing. Give him or her consistent attention and establish a sense of trust. Show your attention, affection, and love and create a tension-free environment for the baby. Respond to your baby’s cries. Hug and smile to your baby as much as you can to make him or her to feel content.

Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway

Child’s development – second year

Raz — Thu, 21 May 2009 15:08:58 +0000

Toddlers continue the attachment and separation cycle in more sophisticated ways in the second year. They learn to tell you how they feel by reaching their arms out to you and protesting vigorously when you must leave them. Anxiety about separating from you heightens, and they may begin to express anger. During this stage, when you must guide and protect your child, you become a “no” sayer. It is not surprising that your child becomes frustrated and shows it in new ways. Helpless crying usually comes first. Later your child may exhibit aggressive behavior such as throwing things, hitting, pushing, biting, and pinching. Much of this behavior is directed toward you but some is directed at the child’s peers. Such behavior often puzzles and frightens parents. You may wonder if your child is normal. Adoptive parents often worry that an unknown genetic trait is surfacing or that the “orneriness” has something to do with the adoption. Sometimes they think ahead to the teenage years and wonder if these are early warnings of trouble ahead.

It helps to know that this kind of behavior is typical of toddlers, who have conflicting wishes about their push toward autonomy and their anxiety about separating from you. Almost all children go through a “me do it myself” phase, accompanied by temper tantrums and toilet training battles. Handling tantrums, setting limits, and encouraging language development and the expression of feelings consume most of your time and patience.

In the first 2 years, the stages of attachment, the beginnings of separation, and the expression of anger and aggressiveness probably are the same whether your child is adopted or not. Even in homes where the word “adoption” has been used frequently and the child can pronounce it or even say, “I’m Susie, I was adopted from Chicago,” the words have little meaning. What is especially important is that your adopted child has the opportunity to pass through the attachment and early separation stages in the same way as a child born to you.

When older babies or children are adopted, their capacity to form relationships may have been disturbed. A series of caretakers and broken attachments through the first months of a child’s life can complicate adjustment and compromise the ability to develop trust. You may need to work much harder to let your child know that you care and that you will always be there. Even if your baby received nurturing care before joining your family, s/he can still benefit from your understanding the significance of attachment and the importance of loving interaction.

If you adopt cross-culturally, it will be helpful for you to learn about attachment behavior in that culture. Consider for instance a family who had adopted a 7-month-old Asian baby. When the baby cried, she could not be comforted by holding; she would only quiet down if she were laid on the floor near her mother and spoken to softly. Once she became calmer, she would crawl into her mother’s lap for a hug.

There is another example of a baby adopted from Peru who needed to sleep with an adult for the first few months following adoption. His new crib went unused until he was 15 months old, when his parents were able to help him adjust to sleeping alone. Children who are adopted when they are older usually follow the same attachment and separation paths as other children, but possibly in a different time sequence. This gives you the opportunity to make up for what might have been lost or damaged in earlier relationships.

The first 2 years are crucial to personality development and dramatically influence a child’s future. As you grow into your roles as parents, your children also will grow into their place in your family. The next sections provide more information on these techniques.

Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway

The First Year of the Baby

Raz — Thu, 21 May 2009 15:06:29 +0000

The primary task of a baby is to develop a sense of trust in the world and come to view it as a place that is predictable and reliable. Infants accomplish this through attachment to their caretakers. During their early months, children have an inborn capacity to “bond” to ensure their survival. They express it through sucking, feeding, smiling, and cooing, behaviors which, ideally, stimulate loving responses from their parents (or caretakers). These pleasant interactions and the parent’s or parents’ consistent attention form the parent-child bond and the foundation for a child’s sense of trust.

During this period, a consistently nurturing and tension-free environment makes a child feel secure. The most valuable thing you can do is to show, through attention and affection, that you love your child and that your child can depend on you. If you generally respond to your child’s cries, s/he will learn trust. If you hug and smile at your child, s/he will learn to feel content.

Although the need to attach continues for a long time, the process of separation also begins in the first year of a child’s life. A milestone is reached when children learn to separate from their parents by crawling and then by walking. At the same time, babies often become fearful of separation. Psychological separation begins too: babies start, non-verbally, to express their own wishes and opinions. Many experts in child development view early childhood as a series of alternating attachment and separation phases that establish the child as an independent person who can relate happily to family members and friends, and be capable of having intimate relationships with others.

Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway